Liberal Sermon
SEASON TWO
Evil Big Cheese

First Church of Democrats
Bringing liberals closer to God since 2006
proudly talking liberalism in the bible belt

Worship songs play -
"The Power of Che" - Choir
"Hung Like Saddam" - Elton John
"With Children in Her Arms" - Choir

Good day to you! For those of you who don't know me, my name is Reverend Sammy Sosalist. Since our last congregation, we have regained control of both the House and Senate, can I get an Ame... Oops, I almost forgot that it's blasphemous to the Holy Spirit to say that word. Can I get a 'From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs'? Praise be to Che.

Whoa, I can feel the Holy Spirit of Che Guevara already! He has me blessed, this is going to be one heckuva sermon for me, and being good socialist, I might even share some of my blessing with you. Ah shoot, I can share a small portion of it with you, we can always take more from the rich. Let's get right into our announcements!

In other announcements, our missionaries in Afghanistan and Iraq have successfully committed 7,114 acts of protest against Bush's Islamic Holocaust. Almost 3,000 more since this time last year. Amazing job, and let's not forget, they helped us get back the House and Senate. Please keep the insurgents in your prayers. Also, if you see somebody that looks like they could be here in America to blow something up, feel free to buy them some steak and eggs to let them know you understand their plight. And, as always, please donate when the plate is passed around.

Folks, as loyal servants of the Democrat party, and to our cause in the name of the Holy Spirit Che Guevara, you are the first to know of critical information, long before the rest of the party catches up. This year is no different and we are going to let you know the ills of eating cheese. The wonderful people down at PeTA have been warning us for years against the ills of eating cheese. Brethen, I tell you PeTA is a fantastic Che-tian organization and they are working hard to make sure our children eat healthy while not crucifying animals like those Christians do. We found out earlier this week that eating cheese is unhealthy. Infact, it is so much more unhealthy than eating "Junk food". We aren't telling you not to eat cheese, we just want you to be aware of the dangers of eating too much cheese. Our scientist are looking to see if there are any potential dangerous chemicals in there. Preliminary results have shown that cheese has unusual amounts of DHMO, which, as you know, is the most dangerous chemical on the planet.

Finally, we want to bring it to your attention that tattoos are an unnecessary use of money. Before any of you go get a tattoo, we want you to ask yourselves, how can this money best help starving children? By putting ink in your skin or by giving to the Democrat party? All we are saying is give children a chance.

We'll now pass the plate whilst the children sing us a song of inspiration.

Let us bow our head and pay our taxes. Oh Holy Spirit Che Guevara, we ask you to bless us this day as we gather around in your name. We honor the writings of the great Karl Marx as we walk in your footsteps. We remind ourselves of your compassion as we look at 'What Would Che Do?' inscripted on our bracelets. We remember how you cared about the poor when we take from the rich and line our pockets of poverty. Thank you for teaching us that it's so much easier to take than to work.

In your name, we give thanks. From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.

♪♫ 'Oh' blessed is Che, the Demos have congress' ♫
♫ 'Thank you Karl Marx, you showed us progress' ♫♪
♪♫ 'E'ery thing is fine, 'cause we're in power' ♫
♫'see the results in the 100th hooooooouuuur!,'♫♪

Wow, I can just feel the Holy Spirit of Che Guevara filling the room during the songs, can you feel it too? Can I get a 'From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs'? Hallemarxa!

As you know Sister Nancy Pelosi of Baltimore packed her stuff, bagged her carpet and went to San Francisco to do her mission work of helping children. One day an epiphany came upon her and she knew the best place to help children wasn't in the workplace, nor was it in the home. It was in Washington D.C., and the rest is history. Now Congress is all about the children, in Che's name of course.

Saint Harry Reid De Nevada also had an epiphy of his own. Saint Harry Reid wasn't always a Saint but when he went to Washington he was only going there because of the Holy Spirit was calling on him. Little did Harry Reid know at the time that the Lord Che Guevara had big plans for him. Harry knew Bush lied, but he also knew he had to stay in the Senate. One day, while Bush was personally giving orders to kill innocent women and children, Sainthood was bestowed upon Harry. An angel appeared before Harry and said, "Harry, the Lord Che needs you to speak on his behalf. Iraq is a desert, Nevada is a desert, that makes you His foremost expert on Iraq and He needs you to lead the Senate'.

Hallemarxa! Aren't those just wonderful stories? When you close your eyes and follow the Democrat party, follow the fight of Che, and follow the writings of Karl Marx, great things will happen for you. What wonderful stories they are!

Earlier, the Holy Spirit of Che Guevara was heavy on my heart. I spoke with Sister Nancy Pelosi of Baltimore and Saint Harry Reid De Nevada and I wanted to know what their plans were. Oh my, does this shepard have great news for his sheep! Great news about Iraq! We all know that people are tired of Iraq and because how awful it is, and how George Warmonger Bush as caused irreperable harm to the reputation of our nation, the voters blessed us with their votes. Sister Nancy Pelosi of Baltimore and Saint Harry Reid both assured me that fixing the mess in Iraq is, without any question, the very first order of business. Nothing is more important than Iraq!

But first, they have some important business to tend to, like taking care of children. Being a woman, Sister Nancy Pelosi of Baltimore will make taking care of children a priority. No longer will parents have to worry because congress will finally care about working families. Nothing is more important to this congress than children. Children will be the number one priority!

But first, if you are going to provide a daycare for the children, you must first clean up the House! And Sister Nancy Pelosi of Baltimore will make cleaning up the House her number one priority. Finally, we have somebody who will clean up the corruption. She's going to clean up the mess left behind by the Republicans like Mark Foley and Tom Delay, and she will get credible people like St. William Jefferson of Louisiana and St. John Murtha on the task right away.

But first, they are going to investigate the mishandling of Iraq, Katrina, 9-11, Global Warming, Harriet Meiers, and a series of other investigations. Now don't think these investigations are going to lead to impeachment, because they aren't. However, if the hearings uncover what we think it will uncover, then I assure you, impeachment will be priority number one. Nothing will be more important than upholding the constitution with this congress.

But before they do that, they are going to put the committees together, because nothing is more important, more near and dear to the hearts of the Saints and Sisters we have up on Capitol Hill than Stem Cell research. They assured me they will do everything in their power to make sure that every avenue is searched to help cripplemobility challenged people walk again.

Before they do that they have a lot of bills they want to get passed and that will be the very first thing they take care of. Boy, there is plenty to do in Washington, and we haven't even discussed the Patriot Act. As soon as all that is done, then they can get to the business of putting together committees and stem cell research, the investigations, cleaning up Congress, taking care of children, and then they can get to priority number one, Iraq! But first, they need to make sure they will get re-elected, so they can get to the business of taking care of business.

Let us bow our heads and don't forget your tax payment. Holy Lord Che, we ask that ye make this a very long two years. We ask that you continue to give our flock the wisdom to realize that it's better to be raped by a Democrat than looked at by a Republican. Give our flock the strength to keep their eyes closed so that we won't be hampered by having to answer to the public. Give our flock the vision of all that we provide and blind their eyes to that which we will take. Ease the burder of that sacrifice they will make when we reach into their paychecks and make, er, ask them to give a little more. We ask this of you in the name of the Holy Spirit, Che Guevara.

From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.

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Kansas City @ Indianapolis -Larry Johnson and the Chiefs go on the war path, ride wild Colts to the next round
AV~Picks- Chiefs 38 - Colts 24

Cowboys @ Seattle - A game of two teams that tried hard not to get here, Hawks accidentally win.
AV~Picks - Hawks 27 - Cowboys 23

New York Jets @ New England - J-E-T-S crash in New England, and so does their season.
AV~Picks - Pats 28 - Jets 24

New York GI ANTS @ Philidelphia - This is the game with the most to toast. We all know that Philidelphia can't win without Donavon McNabb. Fortunately for the Army Ants, McNabb is hurt and won't be playing offense or defense so the score will be closer than 500 - 0 but the bad news is that Donavon McNabb (who is obviously the greatest quarterback ever) will still be on the sidelines which means - Army Ants lose.
AV~Picks - Philadelphia McNabbs 41 - Army Ants 20

Ah the first post of 2007. I always love the new year, with it comes new hope, a new day. It seems that I always have new and greater expectations for myself than the year before, and alas, this year is no different. Unfortunately that same optimism also makes it so much more difficult to post since I need to be a bit on the pissy side to write.

So my search began and I looked and looked for a story that could possibly put me in a bad mood. There they are all over the place. Nancy Pelosi and crew taking back congress, which, I have to admit I haven't given it much thought since the election. Again, optimism. What are they going to do? Hand the House and Senate right back to the Republicans? It's going to be an interesting year, though I'd rather see them stopped and the American public see what kind of loonies are running the insane asylum, but I digress.

As most of my readers are already aware, I have warned on several occassions of the coming of the health police. I've argued vigorously against new laws against smoking, not so much because of the cigerettes but because there had to be some type of resistance. More importantly, there had to be a warning.

It was telling a business owner that he can't allow a legal act to happen in his restaraunt. It was the irresponsibility that one has to look after their own health. If you don't like smokers, don't go to those restaraunts, or even near a smoker. It's a legal act to smoke, why treat them like a second class citizen, a citizen that can be bullied around by his fellow citizens because they don't like the individuals legal.

But I knew something else, just equally important, the coming of the health police. In their overzealous attacks on cigerettes, they were successful in getting the people to focus on making that act illegal in many regards, but at the same time, launched their assault into other personal freedoms.

The choice to own a pitbull, imagine that, cities outlawing Pitbulls because they are dangerous. Actually the ones that make me nervous are the little dogs, maybe I should start a movement to ban little dogs under 10 pounds. Ah but I digress again.

Transfat, yup bad for you and mark another victory notch in the belt of the all knowing elected Gods throughout the nation have decided what is unhealthy for you. However, the worst offender of personal choice has got to be a potential dictator in Chief Michael Bloomberg from New York City, whose radical health policies rival only the nuttiest of health nuts.

But even I didn't see this coming. Here's a snapshot of self serving moral superiority at it's finest, or worst, depending on your outlook. Say Cheese! That's right, time to get rid of that evil cheese. I wonder, what lies Big Cheese has been telling us. I'll bet they are the reason we have so much obesity in this nation. It's the fault of Big Cheese. I'll bet they even covered up reports and continued to sell us cheese, with out warning that it cause...*GASP* cancer!

TV ban on adverts for cheese, the latest 'junk food'

Cheese is to be treated as junk food under new advertising rules for children's television.

Commercials promoting it will be banned during children's TV programmes and those with a large proportion of young viewers.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Here's your belate Christmas gift. I have been meaning to do a transcript of the interview with Wild Bill but you can download it from his website or by clicking this link I was caught a little off guard as I wasn't expecting to interview Wild Bill during his Passionate America show on Wide Awakes Radio but it worked out fine. This actually gives you a chance to hear what a horrible horrible voice I have.

Twas a few days before Christmas
and all through everyone's house
not a creature was stirring
except Rich Donald and Fat Rosy's mouth.
Saddam were to be hung in Iraq to cheers
But terrorist continued to play on our fears

The Liberals were not happy just defeating the Reds
They have visions of Whitehouse dancing in their heads;
Al Gore warned us, 'each day could be our last'
watched Denver travellers deal with winter's clasp,
When down in our archives there sounded such a clatter,
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
I knew what I knew, it was a burglar.
but lo and behold, it's only Sandy Berger.
What Sandy took, we'll never know
It was stuffed in his sock down below,
Like bad gas, the Clinton administration would linger
But Bush to punish them? Not even a finger.
But Carville came out so suddenly and quick
and once again was a Morris named Dick.
More rapid than eagles these courters have came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Daschle! now, Doddy! now, Pelosi and Obama Hussein!
On, Clinton! on Kerry! on, Kucinich and John McCain!
Now carry the torch! tear down the wall!
Now campaign away! Campaign away! Win the Whitehouse next fall!"
The dry heaves would fill us, and some would cry
Instead of voting for these, we'd much rather die,
So away from the campaigners the voters they flew,
Away from promise noise, and from Dick Morris too.
but then came some spattering, that Christmas should be mute
one said that it violates his religion, this Holiday at its roots.
No more! I said as I turned around,
and suddenly I heard the sweetest sound.
Silent Night was being played on a flute
and the church choir voices would calm a brute;
A bundled up boy grabbed and tugged on my slacks,
'Don't forget mister, the Lord will be back.'
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his wording how merry!
Reminded me of the boy, that came from the Virgin named Mary!
His birth forever will be the reason,
that each year, we celebrate this season;
Each Christmas please practice what you teach,
accept Christmas, if it's tolerance that you preach;
To all of you from the West to the East,
Let us enjoy our Christ, and do it in peace.
To the rest of us, including myself,
It's almost time to take the presents off of the shelf;
with children sleeping, on pillows their head,
Out comes their presents from under your bed;
No need for words when you see the smile on their face,
but don't pass the day, without giving Christ his space,
Make sure you say your prayers and keep Him in mind,
After all, he gave you life, you can give your time;
Think not of politics, nor war, not even a missile
enjoy the day, the family, even the toy whistle
But the day is about Christ, keep that in sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

I have seen the light! I want to save the world too, just like so many of you out there. We've worked hard to ban dangerous materials such as cigerettes and transfat. We've worked hard to protect each other from their own stupidity such as passing seatbelt laws and helmut laws. We've worked hard to protect each other from, well, each other, with laws banning handheld cellphones while driving. We've worked hard making sure our children lower the birthrate and STD rate by giving them condoms. We've even had teachers so loyal to this cause, that they took children home to teach them sex education, even on their own free time with no extra pay. Talk about committment. H

But what I don't understand, is how the government let us down. Yes folks, they have let us down! Talk about incompetency, they haven't even considered doing something about the daily consumtion of the most dangerous product on the planet! I'm talking about Dihydrogen Monoxide or DHMO. 2

The folks down at DHMO.ORG have done a lot of research on the product and have this to say.

Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) is perhaps the single most prevalent of all chemicals that can be dangerous to human life. Despite this truth, most people are not unduly concerned about the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide. Governments, civic leaders, corporations, military organizations, and citizens in every walk of life seem to either be ignorant of or shrug off the truth about Dihydrogen Monoxide as not being applicable to them. This concerns us. 0

It concerns me too, and I hope it concerns you as well. Chef's could be using this product in your food and not even know it. You could be drinking it, and not even be aware that DHMO is in your drink. It's very seldom that I ever complain about a product, but I just want to know, after looking at the MSDS Material Safety Data Sheet why it's still legal. I have my suspicions, but I just wonder why there isn't more people protest DMHO.Did you look closer?

By now, the majority of Louisianians have seen Kathleen's federally funded campaign commercial, though the version you are about to see is a press release and does not close by mentioning that this is "Governor Kathleen Blanco's Road Home Program"

However, on the official website, it makes clear that this is Blanco's brains being showcased.

The Road Home program was created by Governor Blanco, the Louisiana Recovery Authority, and the Office of Community Development. The program is funded by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development.

Okay, so how is the Gov's Road Home Program going? Great, it's moving along just fine, 'nothing to see here'. That is, of course, your name is Officer Barbrady. I don't know about you, but when Officer Barbrady says 'Move along, nothing to see here' that usually means, there's something to see. It may seem unfair that I am comparing members of Kathleen Blanco's administration to South Park's Officer Barbrady, and I agree. It is unfair, for two reasons, if not more. First, Officer Barbrady is a cartoon, and two, even he isn't that incompetent. Comparing the two might be insensitive to Officer Barbrady's feelings, even if he is just a cartoon.

Browsing around Kathleen's Road Home Programs webpage, I stumbled on the great things being said about the program.

Below are a few comments from Louisiana residents who took part in The Road Home.

“We had about two feet of water, but we’re still living in our home on the second floor. We had home insurance and wind insurance, but no flood insurance. The funds from the program can help us rebuild the first floor of our home.”

“I was kind of surprised it happened so quick. The help is obviously on the way. If you don’t have the insurance, this is what’s going to help.”

“All instructions were precisely given over the phone. The Advisor was extremely patient with us as he explained each step of the process.”

“The process was quick, clear, and painless, keep up the good work. I appreciate the security and anti-fraud measures.”

“Overall experience excellent – could not be happier. Expeditious and expedient – must be proud of this group.”

“Just continue to help those who have come back to New Orleans to try to rebuild the city and businesses.”

Wow, out of over 89,000 people that have already applied for the program, six people used terms like "Quick", "Excellent"... wait a minute, is this real? Who made these comments? There's not even a name listed by the comments. But look at the comments. After getting a large amount of money, would you make any of the above comments? Is this something you would say? Who are these people that said these things? I want to know. It couldn't possibly be that hard to track down which of these people made these comments because, out of 89,000 people that applied for the program, only 82 people have actually received any money.

It's moving so slow they oughtta rename the program to 'Governor Kathleen Blanco's Pirogue Home Program. Again, I'm being unfair, though a pirogue is slower than a car, it's unfair to suggest a pirogue is as slow as "Kathleen Blanco's Condemned Road Home Program."

82 people have received money, that's it. Maybe more, let me check.... Wow, five more people have received checks. Make that eighty seven. I wonder if that's 87 votes she can count on? Never fear, Governor Kathleen Blanco is on the job! In another couple of months she'll have 174 people with checks in their hand. She could possibly get that number over 100 by the end of the year... 'Move along, nothing to see here.'

Maybe she ought to tell that to the Louisiana legislatures to 'move along, nothing to see here'. Even they are getting upset. A couple of legislatures even pitched tents in front of the capitol building. Relax, niether of them was named Clinton. Besides Rep. Marchand stated the reason she's pitching a tent is because she's "frustrated"... maybe that's not the right word I should use. Just go read the story, it'll make more sense that way.

There are those, like the commercial states, from South Louisiana, I wonder, how do they feel about it? In St. Bernard Parish a whopping 81.9% are so impressed with Governor Kathleen Blanco's Condemned Road Home Program that they are planning to vote for Bobby Jindal.

Maybe the slowness of "Kathleen Blanco's Condemned Road Home Program" has a lot to do with an auction that only had a $1 bid on lunch with her in Monroe, Louisiana. Think about it, if she's taking this long to get money to people who need it, how long will she keep you waiting for lunch? Men are used to being kept waiting for a dinner date, women do it all the time to us. Just imagine how long this woman would keep you waiting. You'd have to pitch a tent too, and once again, not a Clintonesque tent.

Some people feel that Kathleen Blanco won't run again because they don't think she could possibly be that dumb. Hello??? Haven't they been paying any attention over the last 16 months? Besides, we all know that she would have to start running her campaign now and for her to make any decisions, she's going to need a committee to decide who gets to be on the committee to decide if she should drop out of the race. By the time they come to a consensus, she'd already be at the finished line, and it would be a little too late to drop out. So yes, she's in it, just as an outdated pirogue would be in a speedboat competition.

But be cautious, this is still Louisiana, expect the worse, hope for the best.

From the mailbox....
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Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.

1973 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.

2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1973 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.

2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

1973 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class.

2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping.

1973 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

++++++++++++ +++++++++ ++++++++

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.

1973 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.

2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

++++++++++++ +++++++++ ++++

font color="#CC0000">Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant.

1973 - 5 High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a special school for expectant mothers.

2006 - Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies the ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and told to be more careful next time.

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

1973 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2006 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state democratic party. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can't speak English.

++++++++++++ +++++++++

Scenario Johnny takes leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.

1973 - Ants die.

2006 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

++++++++++++ +++++++++

Scenario Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him.

1973 -In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.

....and that's why I fight.

The next two are video links, click them both, either you'll laugh, or you're just a supersensitive lib.

The Hillary Show

Seinfeld's Lost Episode!

If you are a blogger that would like to be interviewed, please email me at avman82000 @ yahoo. com (remove spaces) or IM Avman82000.

Jeffery Blanco: Today I am with Texas Fred. Fred, Let's talk about your blog first, why do you blog?
Texas Fred: I started blogging as a hobby, but I am really political in my thinking and it kinda got out of hand, I got popular and I was really kind of surprised.

JB: What political issue drives you the most?
TF: 1st, the war in Iraq, and after that, the insecurity of our borders and coastlines, then the costs in our tax dollars, the money we pay out to support and care for what I call 'Illegal Invaders'.

JB: Why is the war in Iraq so important?
TF: For me, it's personal. I have had very close family members serve in Iraq this time around and it's a war I just don't think we needed to fight. I feel our time and efforts would have been better spent taking the war to al-Qaeda in Afghanistan.

JB: How would you classify your personal feelings towards Iraq?
TF: Personally, I don't care if the Iraqis have their freedom. I don't think they'll 'stand' on their own and remain free. I feel we are wasting our time in Iraq on this mission to install a working democracy, Islamic theocracy and American style democracy won't work together, in my opinion.

JB: What role do blogs have?
TF: I feel it's an 'outlet' for folks to speak freely, and I think some blogs get a lot more 'notice' than others, and I know that there are 'blog bots' from the U.S. government that do check sites and look to see who's blogging about what. My 'Site Meter' tells me I get those kind of 'hits' on a regular basis, maybe someone in D.C. is paying attention.

'In 2 words, Michelle Malkin... If I can't totally, 100% believe in what I write,I will not write it...'

'hell yes, people are too consumed with feel good political correctness, I call a spade a spade, and if that offends someone, that's too bad... And we have many 'BS' artists in blogging, many that are in it strictly for the glory,'

'there have been some serious voting irregularities too, ...and I am not going to accept a nomination again next year.'