I've been struggling lately. Really, really struggling. Struggling for that perfect gift to get for my friends and family still stuck in Liberal politics. Then it hit me, the perfect gift for any Liberal.
What could it be? Why fear of course. If I could just figure out a way to bottle fear and sell it, I'd make a killing from Liberals. I could sell fear to conservatives looking for that perfect gift for liberals. I could sell fear, and fear lite.
Fear could come in different packages, depending on the liberal you're giving it to. For example, for the elder liberals, you can give them 'Republicans are going to take medicine out of your cabinets', or if they already have a bottle of that, you could give them 'Republicans want you to eat dog food'.
For parents, you can give them a six pack of different fears
1. 'You're child is going to die in Iraq'
2. 'Republicans are going to take school lunches away'
3. 'No jobs for graduates'
4. 'Global warming will kill your children'
5. 'More middle class families without health insurance'
6. 'How dangerous are SUV's?'
For thugs, both white and black alike, you could get them:
A 40 ounce bottle of
'Republicans Hate You'
Malt flavor
I could also sell lite fear and and call it 20/20's with all sorts of different flavors
1. 'Earth expect to be too hot to live on by 2020'
2. 'Volcano expected to erupt by 2020'
3. 'Aids epidemic to reach all time highs by 2020'
4. 'Japanese GDP expected to surpass U.S. by 2020'
5. 'Outsourcing expected to eliminate U.S. held jobs by 2020'
6. 'California expected to be under water by 2020'
7. 'Louisiana expected to be under water by 2020'
Come to think of it, we could market the 20/20's by individual states. Oh, I can use that 'Beef, it's what's for dinner' song and say, "Fear, it's what Liberals are having". The best part of it is you can buy fear free! That's right, it won't cost you a dime! The more expensive that it is, the more likely somebody else will have to pay for it!
It's a terrific idea! Now I can finally afford a multi-million dollar home! I better get to work!
UPDATE: It's been an entire ten minutes since my epiphany and I realized that this is already being marketed and is available now. What's worse, it's widely available. For more on the product, visit The Democrat Underground, Democrat.com. Or you can just visit your local liberal blogger to get the latest in fear.
