Warning - The stories lean toward mature humor

Meet the inductees

I've done some stupid things in my life. I'm sure we all have. For some people stupid is what is normal for others. We have names for people that continue to do the stupid things over and over. Scum, trash, thug, etcetera, but now there's some things that just requires something more than mere stupidity. Some people's stupidity goes beyond belief, so much so, they deserve their own special recognition. So I, being the noble character that I am, have decided to reward them with their own little spot on the web. Today, I introduce National Hall of Fame of Incredible Stupidity Yes folks, it's time has come. Surely stupidity has reached a breaking point in this nation. It's a point of no return. We are only going to see more stupidity from here on out. We'll soon replace NFL football with the Profession Stupidity League.

Our first inductee into the National Hall of Fame of Incredible Stupidity is an overnight sensation. Within the first week of making national headline news, a student at Wheaton North High School in Wheaton, Illinois has successfully crossed over from normalcy into anonymous figure in the National Hall of Fame of Incredible Stupidity. This utter stupidity can only be introduced with matching stupidity- a liberal viewpoint.

Let's look at some excerpts from the story.

"Last week one of those students decided to do the unthinkable when officials say he spiked a container of cafeteria salad dressing with his own semen.

Police say an attempted aggravated battery arrest is imminent.

"An act occurred that could have physically harmed someone at the school, but no one was physically harmed," said Commander Joseph Eversole of the Wheaton Police Department."

You see, this is why sex education is needed in school. Had the Principle been responsible and open minded, he would have realized that these children need free condoms passed out on campus. Children are going to do what they want to do anyway, so the least we could have done is to teach this child that if he's going to masterbate in the kitchen, he ought to wear a condom so it won't spill in the salad dressing. We need to teach these children about "Safe Masterbation"

However, I don't feel that we need to charge the child with aggravated battery. This is just a Republican ploy to get back at the Greatest President of our time (oh God, as a conservative, that hurts just saying it) Bill Clinton (ah, that's better). George Bush is conspiring with local officials to drag this young man's anonymous verility through the mud. This isn't about semen in a few students stomach, this is about Iraq and George Bush's failure in attacking a country that had nothing to do with 9-11. Besides we all know George Bush flew planes in the National Guard so who's to say that he didn't fly those planes into the buildings all by himself?

George Bush is trying to shift the nations focus off of his failed Presidency by making this a "safety" and "aggravated assault" issue. Once he successfully does that, he's going to point out that Bill Clinton assualted Monica. First off, that is not dangerous, did Monica come out of the Presidents office with a black eye? I don't think so. All she got out of it was a little stain on her dress.

If we allow the Republicans to successful turn an orgasm into aggravated battery, then Maletrimony will cease to become an issue. Male-rriages will become a case of who battered who? The homosexual lifestyle could be outlawed as it would just be too dangerous for them to live it. This young man did nothing wrong, and this attack by Republicans on this young man isn't just an attack on his verility, it's an assault on every value that Liberals hold close to their heart. This isn't funny, not to those of us who enjoy civil rights.

Thank you Reverend Sammy Sosalist. Our next inductee into the National Hall of Fame of Incredible Stupidity comes all the way from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. She's a person that needs no introduction at all. Her numbers speak for itself. For sixteen consecutive months, she has came up with stupidity after stupidity and is currently the leader in American politics for numbers of stupid acts performed. To top it off, she'd also fill those months with consecutive week streaks of stupidity and even at times, consecutive day streaks of stupidity. She's so stupid, she actually thinks she's doing a good job. Let's give a round of applause to Louisiana's own, Governor Kathleen Blanco. Thank God she was only a teacher for one year, otherwise Louisiana's education system would be ranked 51st in the nation.

Our Hollywood star inductee was, as expected, faced with stiff competition. This is a trend that we expect to have tight races for several years to come. Many stars made the short list including Gweneth Paltrow, Green Day, and Harry Belafonte, however, they are going to have to do more than travel overseas and belittle America. It may have gotten the Dixie Chicks National Stupidity Awards, but as Forrest Gump would say 'Stupid is as stupid does get stupider.' Even Brittany Spears getting photographed not wearing any panties on a day that she bought panties earlier, does not get her into the National Hall of Fame of Incredible Stupidity.

That award goes to Krazy, Kooky, and Kunning Kramer. Who'd a thunk it, all those years and we never knew he had a special proclivity for racial names. His stupidity inspired even more stupidity in another perennial candidate for stupidity awards, Jesse Jackson. Kramer's Krazy and Kooky tirade, in which he said the N word multiple times led Jesse Jackson to call for a ban on the word. Ban the word? I guess if you want to insult African Americans, you can call them Honkies, since that word hasn't been banned.

Jesse wasn't through in his attempt to get into the running of stupidity. Mr. Jackson called for a boycott of the season seven DVD release of the television show that made Kramer so famous. Result? Season seven outsold season 6. Mr. Jackson almost stole induction away from Kramer, but we decided to give bonus points to Kramer for inspiring Mr. Jackson.

Of course no National Hall of Fame of Incredible Stupidity inductions would be complete without an inductee being from Florida. In fact, since Florida and the butterfly ballot mystery of 2000, it's mandatory to ahve somebody from Florida inducted each year. The man with plan and an IM in the hand, ladies and gentlemen, former Florida Congressman Mark Foley. Winning the stupid man awards of Florida and of congress is quite the feat. It's a tough task beating out all the Floridians, but of congress as well? That's beating out the Stupidest of the stupider. He's taking stupidity to the HNL - Ho, Nother, Level. Not only did he take it to the HNL, but he's also out of a job.

Folks, thanks for joining us... that's all we have for tonight.