Worship songs play -
"Wolf in Ann's Clothing" - Choir
"Bush Killed Our Husbands" - 9/11 Widow's A cappella Quartet
"America the Terrible!" - Choir

Welcome to the Liberal church! I am Reverend Sammy Sosalist and I am filling in tonight for this very special edition of the Liberal church! I am so exited to be with you tonight since, especially since we have planned on you donating that Bush taxcut that you never got! If you did get it, you may donate it when the plate gets passed around since you are too rich to have one.

In announcements, our missionaries in Afghanistan and Iraq have successfully committed 5106 acts of protest against Bush's Islamic Holocaust. That's 291 more successful protests since our last sermon! Please keep the protestors of Bush's Islamic Holocaust in your prayers. It's still not enough however, so we need you to pray harder and longer until the United States can no longer stomach war!

Now, you maybe wondering, why now? Why have we gathered here today, on a day that we don't normally have church without joining together a gay couple in holy matrimony? Well, as you can see Ann Coulter has accused us liberals of being a religious cult, which we are not of course, we're sensible people. But people like that religious nutjob Ann Coulter and the Republicans are all running around accusing us of being religious fanatics like them.

We are here to set the record straight, so pay extra close attention because you will learn how to respond to these false accusations!

Finally in announcements, Hurricane Season got underway recently and this is a perfect opportunity for us to be first responders to hurricanes. We want volunteers to be first responders... and we are recruiting you here today to help out in the great cause. Don't worry; you won't have to save any lives, give food, or any other assistance to the needy. All you need to do is learn the talking points for this year's hurricane season.

As you know Al Gore is coming out with a movie called "An Inconvenient Truth" which covers the back door. In case there aren't any major hurricanes, you are to tell people that it is because Al Gore's movie and that he saved us from any further harm by pleasing his mother Gaia. If there are just a handful of hurricanes, tell people the same thing, but that Mother Gaia is still trying to warn us about the planet. Scientist that say there will be about 10-15 hurricanes this year, but of course they are being bought off by the Bush administration so they are wrong. We fully expect 40-50 hurricanes to occur this year and when that happens, make sure that you tell people that it's George Bush's fault. In fact, any hurricane is to be blamed on Bush, but 50 different hurricanes being Bush's fault is better than 1 hurricane being his fault.

If the Right Wing Religious nut jobs ask you to explain, keep calm and don't panic. You simply explain to them that Mother Gaia is unhappy with the world because the United States elected George Bush which is why we have more hurricanes. If they still won't listen, then of course that's when you merely point out that they must have stocks in companies that is poisoning our air and putting arsenic in water. You and I both know they just want to kill children and destroy the planet but we won't let them destroy our great Goddess Gaia!

Usually we won't give you the talking points way ahead of time, but Speaker of the House Pelosi wants to make sure that we put her in power. It's an election year and we depend on you to spread the word!

Let us bow our head and make a tax payment. Oh Holy Spirit Che Guevara, Thank you for gathering us today so that we may point out the hypocrisy of Ann Coulter. We pray that you do a miracle conversion on Ann Coulter just as you did for Arianna Huffington. Let our congregation donate to us large sums of money so that we can be elected to power and be rich... uh... rich with your joy and spirit. Yes lord, the true joy of riches and of life is making large sums of donations to liberals. Call it what you must, paying taxes, fines, fees, just give so that you may know the true joy that people in Cuba and Venezuela feel. Oh Lord Che Guevara, fill the congregation with the understanding that paying their fair share leads to greater wealth for me... us. And may you provide us with buses to take us to vote so we can have angels in office that takes from another and gives to me, I mean us. We ask this of you, O Holy Spirit Che Guevara.

From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.

While the taxplate gets passed around, Jim McDermott will sing a special song all the way from the Capital of Venezuela where he is secretly meeting with Hugo Chavez to negotiate oil prices down in liberal states.

Wow Bag... Jim, amazing song! You know, those were some powerful words man, but you blew my mind when you compared Bush to Hitler. I never heard anybody ever compare Bush to Hitler before but now that you mentioned it, there are so many similarities. Hitler led a war; Bush led a war... two peas in a pod! Thanks for making me realize they are they same. Awesome song.

Let's move on to our sermon, it's very important that you combat this with these talking points.

Ann is uncompassionate; I know what many of you are thinking.... 'Why doesn't Lord Che send his warriors to drive out evil people like he did when he walked the earth?'. 'Why doesn't Lord Che just give Ann a heart attack or better yet let her do some major suffering so she knows how the Bush Holocaust protestors down in Guantanamo Bay feel?' Well, we can always pray that her suffering is TEN FOLD! She deserves to suffer a fate far worse than they did, but trust in Lord Che and he will see to it in his time.

But we must understand who Ann Coulter is. First she is mentally disturbed, sick, and twisted. We can go back and find quote after quote of this mad religious nut job crazed woman... oh how I want to call her something else, but this is church so it must be clean. This *ahem* woman has cursed out our guest singers, the 9/11 Widow's A cappella group in her new book.

She writes that the widows of 9/11 victims are "witches" and that they are just using 9/11 for publicity and to make a political point. Make a point Ann? What point are they trying to make? All they are trying to do is find out if, when, and what Bush knew and did Bush order flight 93 shot down? All they want to know is if Bush knew about 9-11 and if Bush is responsible for 9-11. That's it. What's wrong with that? But listening to Ann Coulter and you'd think those four great patriots of this country should have their citizenship removed. I didn't get to read her whole piece of religious Nazi propaganda but I wouldn't be surprised if she publicly asked Bush to require people she deems unfaithful to this country to wear yellow badges telling everybody how unpatriotic they are like the Nazis did to Jews.

I know some of you have thought about murdering Ann Coulter, even I thought about it, but we don't want to encourage that. Trust in the Holy Spirit Che Guevara for her most untimely punishment. However, I did get a chance to talk to the Holy Spirit Che Guevara and he personally told me how furious he was over her latest book. He told me to let each and everyone of you know that if you do, Holy Spirit Che Guevara has 72 virgins waiting in heaven for you. Now wouldn't that be a blessing?

Now we all know that we are the party of love, tolerance, and for free speech and that it's really Republicans that are full of hate, intolerance, and want to stifle free speech. Ann Coulter proves that, so it's okay to tell people how much they should hate her.

You should hate her, she's trying to create hatred of us when all we want to do is give peace and love a chance. I am sick of these Right Wing Nazi Propagandist that I wish November would hurry up and get here so we can throw all Republicans in jail for their culture of corruption.

I can't stand Republicans because they are so intolerant. They just don't like anybody disagreeing with them on any issue whatsoever. I tried to disagree, as I am sure many of you have, with Republicans no matter what position their orders are, and still the same results. They always end up making me mad and I have to point out how intolerant they are of opposing views!

The Holy Spirit Che Guevara has promised us victory in November but we also had to promise him that we would work to ban worthless books like this tripe by Ann Coulter when we get elected. During my personal conversation with Che Guevara he also told me that a promise just wasn't enough. He wanted results. Che made a promise that we will take back the House and Senate but we have plenty of work to do.

As you know, Republicans work hard to stifle free speech, and in order to protect that free speech that Bush and Coulter want to prohibit, we must stop them from getting their anti-free speech message out there.

If you are a teacher, Principle, or other school official and you see a student or even another faculty member with Ann Coulter's book, please report them to the authorities so that the appropriate disciplinary actions can be taken.

If you work at a bookstore, Library, or any place that sells this propaganda, hide the books so that people won't buy it. Men especially love stuff because they are victims of their hormones and when they see a blonde woman, no matter how ugly she is, they are going to give her money. We don't want men inadvertently seeing this propaganda so make sure you hide it where only a liberal would shop, in the organic section.

Tell everybody that you know just how evil Ann Coulter is. Tell people she's George Bush's cousin. Tell them that she is overly active with nude acts. Tell them how evil she is. We must stop Ann Coulter or free speech will be forever lost!

Let us bow our heads and don't forget your tax payment. Oh Holy Spirit Che, thank you for gathering us here today so we can fight the evils of the George Bush as he sends out his demons like Ann Coulter to attack us and betray her country men as this anti-American woman spreads malicious lies that we are unpatriotic. Please kill her, give her great pain and suffering, or convert her like Arianna Huffington. We ask this great compassion of you oh great Holy Spirit Che Guevara.

From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.

You may come forward now and seek redemption by clicking on the link that says St. Jude.

Last Liberal Sermon (XV)