Welcome back to MNBS 101. My name is Heather Healthier and I get to be your instructor tonight. Just a quick overview of my background. I have worked tirelessly in passing critical legislation that will protect you from yourself. My family travels all over the world to push legislation in every country. My parents started in Germany in the 1930's and was instrumental iin forming Cuba's rationing system. It's been our family business to make your health government's business. When government decides what you eat, drink, breathe, what you see, and even what you wear. You will live longer, we're determined to make sure of that. It's for your protection.

Recently we have passed anti-smoking measures all over the world, but most importantly in that country where they say they value freedom. Yes, that country called the United States! We've implented the greatest freedom anybody can have, the freedom from death! Someday we will make every possible way that you can die illegal. Whoa, I get so excited when I think of all the ways we are working with government to make sure you never die, that I almost got way ahead of myself.

Last week I believe that you had Professor Peter Peaceful. Unfortunately he had to go away on business. It turns out that some people were complaining about Fidel Castro and as you know, this just won't do. Professor Peaceful was needed to give electro-shock therapy. Whenever Professor Peaceful goes back to Cuba, there will be a whole lotta 'Shock and AAAARGH!'

Please open your bibles to Chapter "United States Constitution", Section 8, Article 1.

Please look down at the invisible text. If you can not see this in the United States Constitution, you are not liberal enough and please make an appointment to see Professor Peter Peaceful early next week.

To make all laws make laws protecting all individuals from making decisions for theirselves that increase the likelihood that his or her decision may or may not be harmful to the individual, especially whence that decision may cost the individual their life.

Folks, there are to many people dying everyday. People are dying in war, they're dying of famine, they are dying cigerettes, fast food, alcohol, drugs, suicide, drowning, guns, strokes, auto accidents, knives, staircases, etcetera, etcetera. The only way anybody should be allowed to die is through abortion, physician assisted suicide, and through the aid of the federal government. That's it.

Our family, as I stated earlier, has a long history of working with government to ensure that people live forever. Opie M. Flouer and his wife Mary Jane, who were my grandparents on my mother's side, started their work with the United States federal government with marijuana back in the 1930's. The wrote the script for a movie called 'Reefer Madness'

Since then we've made great progress against all sorts of drugs. Cocaine, crack, meth, LSD, aspirin, you name it we've got government regulations on it. Thank goodness because let's admit it, you are not smart enough to take drugs without governments approval. In fact, we've recently taken great strides to limit how much cold medicine that you can purchase.

We've prohibited smoking for youths, for adults, where, when, how, yes, we are there to dicta... er to help you live your live a very long time. In New York and California, despite all our efforts to prohibit smoking in public places, both states remain the two states with highest cancer causing pollution. You know what that means? We're in business. More anti-smoking laws for sure! In fact, it's not just California and New York but in Louisiana as well. Unfortunately in Louisiana, the bill would prohibit smoking in cars when a minor is present. Though we would prefer that the Louisiana Government would take the initiative to help smokers live longer by protecting them from second hand smoke as well, we do applaud them for attempting to save the lives of children.

I would suggest that Representative Gary Smith also double the fine for a person under the age of 18 smoking a cigerette in the presence of a minor. This should prevent children sneaking off to the car and lighting up.

We are also working hard to make sure that you eat healthy. We have people all over the nation working on proposals to limit how much FAT food you eat. Obesity is a killer in the United States and dying of heart attaxs should be illegal. We are working tirelessly to make sure that you don't eat fat food. No, hamburgers are both unhealthy and costs the cow its life. We think you should eat healthier foods, try tofu, brussel sprouts, and soy beans. Those are all healthy products that we think you should eat.

We've been working on forming a Department of Health Police. We are working out the details, but it looks like it may be completely seperate from the Department of Health and Human Services. It's a great opportunity to make government have more than one department doing the same thing as another. Government just as it should be, big and bloated

Anyway, if we can get the Department of Health Police formed, we have great candidates in MADD and Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission. These folks have recently done some great things to protect people from theirselves.

Wow, I have spent almost all my time on what we have accomplished that I almost don't have enough time to discuss how we do what we do and what you can, as good liberals, do to help.

There really are only a couple of tricks to the trade. First, scare people. We are winning people over in our fight against Fat food by telling people how dangerous Fat food is. McDonald's, Burger King, Taco Bell, all of them are Fat Food. This will get some people to stop going there.

Once we get enough people on our side, we start demanding changes to that the product we deemed too unhealthy for you to decide on your own to use whether or not you should use that product. Recently we put enough pressure on McDonald's for them to change their Fat grease to a different type of grease. More people stop eating Fat food and then our lawsuits come. The lawsuits are very important because it drives up the cost of the unsafe product which means even less people are using the unhealthy product. Then taxes, when raise taxes on fat food even less people will be able to afford it.

We'll keep fighting this fight, just like we've done with alcohol, tobacco, guns, and many other products that are too 'unsafe' for you to decide on your own whether or not you should use it.

Soon, fat food will be a thing of the past. Each victory wins more people to our side and the more people we have with us, the more powerful we become. Soon, what used to be the majority becomes the minority and we can just force our will on them. Soon Fat food eaters will be a small minority just like smokers have become.

Look at smokers now. The other day, I saw a smoker outside in the hot sun sweating. I swear, he looked like he was going to have a heat stroke! I laughed and laughed and felt like spitting on him just to cool him off. What made it even better was that there was a cool shady spot only ten feet away, but he couldn't smoke there because that was off limits for smokers.

I want you to think of that story the next time you see a smoker. Spit on him to cool him off! You will feel so much better and it will help encourage him to stop smoking! Then, after he quits smoking, he'll join the majority and we can beat up smokers next time!

Well folks, we are running out of time, but not without a homework assignment! Remember, the way to turn in your homework assignment is to post your homework on your blog and send a trackback. Since last week nobody did a tremendous job with their homework assignment, I'll give you all a 'C' for Correct! Anyway, your homework assignment.

"Please write a short paragraph about something you don't do nor approve of, that you deem unhealthy for other people that you think the government should out law."

This doesn't have to necessarily be a consumable product. It can be a video game, a music song, knives, ropes, boric acid. Who knows? Use your imagination, but remember, you're trying to assert your freedom to live without dying.

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