Welcome students to MNBS 101. My name is Peter Peaceful, I am the head Professor of liberal bible study. Tonight we are going to study 'Rights in a Compassionate World'. Let's get down to business. Please open your bibles up to Amendment XIII

Amendment XIII

Section 1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

Section 2. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

Slavery is defined as 'being forced to do something against your will by Republicans with out just compensation. When Republicans schedule you to work, without paying you extra, is in itself a form of slavery and is unconstitutional. More plainly spoken a violation of our bible. Remember, that does not apply to liberals, you must obey all liberal Democrats. A great example is Wal-mart which underpays it's employees, while on the other hand some companies that do the same thing are not in violation. The difference? Wal-mart gives more money to Republicans than they do Democrats, thus they qualify as sweatshop status and are in violation of the bible. Wal-mart is unconstitutuional.

I want to call the class's attention to a dissertation from one average student. Let me read a bit to you...

Yeah, you read that title correctly.

Where exactly do humans get the idea that it's a good thing to kidnap other creatures, and put them in cages? The reason given by zoo advocates is human education. But that answer doesn't wash. First of all, what makes our knowledge of another species more important than their freedom?

That's a nice attempt at being liberal but can anybody tell me why this dissertation would fail to be of the liberalus cum laude quality?

Nobody? No rising stars in this class? You there, in the back, please rise. Tell me, what you thought.

Student: "Well sir, I think he did a wonderful job of identifying oppression."

Prof PP: "Yes, what else?"

Student: "And he also spoke of the poor not being taken care of by the government"

Prof PP: "Yes, but what is wrong with it, there are some key elements missing. What are they?"

Student: "He didn't blame Bush?"

Prof PP: "Correct-a-mundo! You may have a seat"

George H(itler) W(armonger) Bush did not shoulder any of the blame, in fact he blames the mayor. The mayor? Obviously he didn't do his research. The mayor is Antonio R. Villaraigosa and he is a liberal, though he prefers to be called 'a progressive'. This is totally unacceptable.

He even blamed Villaraigosa for the homeless problem in Los Angeles, when in fact, whenever a liberal is in control of the city, he fails to take care of his own people because of the Republicans. In this case, his best bet would be to blame Governor Arnold Schwartzanegger, since he's the Republican Governor of California. However, sometimes you can't blame the Gov., so in those situations, blame the Republican President. It's always acceptable to blame Republicans.

Another thing that M.A. failed to do was compare the zoos to torture as effectively as possible. Off the top of my head, he could have titled his dissertation "A-ZOO GHRAIB" but even better would have been "A ZOO SLAVE" or "The Elephant Holocaust". Anytime you can remind people of Abu Ghraib, the Nazi's, slavery, and/or torture, and mention the zionist warmonger named Bush, you are well on your way to high quality writing. Why are these words so important?

1. Slavery - To remind blacks they better vote Democrat or Republicans will kill them.
2. Holocaust - To make people think about the 'H' in the Satan Bush's name (Hitler).
3. Abu Ghraib - To make people think about their own destiny in Bush's torture chambers if he doesn't get impeached.
4. Torture - Same as three.

Getting back to the positive aspects of M.A.'s prose, I found it simply marvellous that he was able to talk about both the oppression of homeless people and the oppression of elephants in the torture chambers called disguised by a nice name.

Many Republicans will laugh at him and call him an radical, but remember, all Republicans are Right Wing Christian Extremist, therefor they are wrong. M.A. is to be applauded for taking such a breath taking risk and having the courage to bring moderate thinking to the public. Most people are moderates, and with courageous people like M.A. speaking out against Bush making war against elephants for his rich oil buddies, more will stand up and speak out.

Defending M.A.

Had he simply blamed Bush and said something about Iraq, terrorism, or Abu Ghraib, this would be very easy to defend. However, that's why I chose this piece. My students need to know how to defend the undefendable!

So what I would do to defend this is the first line of defense, accuse his opposition of "supporting slavery" and "avoiding the real issue of homeless people"

Since he didn't blame Bush, it's your responsibility to pick up his slack. You blame Bush for spending money for the homeless on the war for oil in Iraq.

Accuse the person he is opposed to this of not caring about little 9 year old girls that sleep on cardboard boxes.

Folks, we are almost out of time, so we will conclude this class on another day, but your homework assignment...

1. Write an article on the suffering and oppression of zoo animals.
2. Point out how the money could be spent on the poor
3. Find a title that reminds people of Satan Bush
4. Find a way to blame REPUBLICANS.
(If you blame Bush, you have to include Cheney and Rove, and tie it in with Iraq.
5. Accuse Republicans of violating Amendment XIII
6. Compare Republicans to Nazis
7. Address the negative impact on the environment that the Zoos are having
8. Explain why taxes need to be raised on the rich.
Extra Credit Find reasons why people who oppose your prose are uncompassionate